Writer's Wit

Memorial Day Weekend Grocery Store Haikus

I have a new blog called Reckons of Crass Construction, a little something I thought up to keep my writing skills in check and continue to make Internet connections. Here is one of my latest articles

You try planning a BBQ on a holiday weekend. Yep, it's Memorial Day and yesterday, I had a rollicking good time at the grocery store. Not.

To honor the memory of America's fallen heroes, some heartfelt grocery store haikus:

Back in a corner
Watermelons turn into
Smelly rotten fruit

Where are the store clerks?
Endless long aisles look alike
Can't find the ketchup

My cart's squeaky wheel
Pleads for a grease infusion
Nails across blackboards

The crying baby
Ignores attempted soothing
Shut up already

Checkout line backed up
She took her time with my stuff
Brand new employee

Nerves shot, patience gone
Once again in longest line
I sure can pick 'em

Connecting the interwebs

I have spent the good part of the weekend connecting and updating my social networks. For the most part, this has been an extremely painful and tedious process.

For one thing, I completely forgot how many social networks I have. Some I simply stopped using out of expediency and some I completely forgot about. Doing a Google search refreshed my memory and let me tell you, bringing the majority of these sites up to date has been no easy task.

In some ways I feel very productive; in other ways I feel like a complete loser. The site I use to make money hasn't been updated since last Tuesday and my three email accounts are completely in shambles. So many messages I'll have to delete because I no longer have time to leisurely peruse.

Sigh.

My sense of priorities have been flung out the window. I must get myself back in gear and start publishing. Such is the perpetual challenge of a freelance writer.

At least my Facebook Page is up and running. That in itself was a major accomplishment.

 

Senate confirmation hearings shift media attention to Judge Sonia Sotomayor

 

Second Circuit Judge Sonia Sotomayor

The Michael Jackson media-weary may get a welcome reprieve when Supreme Court Nomineee Judge Sonia Sotomayor begins Senate confirmation hearings this morning. At first, the shift in attention may be imperceptible, but likely gather steam as the week wears on by.

In the past week, Judge Sotomayor’s celebrity quotient gained considerable momentum courtesy of “man on the street” interviews and a “what if” proposition posed to actress Rosie Perez. Sotomayor supporters also kicked grassroots campaigns into high gear by counteracting criticism from the opposition.

 

Judge Sonia Sotomayor under attack by critics

Yesterday morning, ordinary folks sent questions via Twitter to the AP’s Washington base. Some queries were slightly off the wall, while others were particularly poignant.

 

Read more Judge Sonia Sotomayor article 

You don’t understand Michael Jackson King of Pop phenomenon

 

A memorial to Michael Jackson

 

In the days following the death of pop icon Michael Jackson, my husband was genuinely surprised at the magnitude of collective grief.

“I don’t get,” he said, shaking his head. “The media is obsessed. It’s been nothing but wall-to-wall Michael Jackson for the past 48 hours. Was he really that big of a deal?”

“Yes,” I replied, barely batting an eye. “He was that big of a deal. And his death was positively shocking. Brace yourself, the coverage will be massive.”

That was my husband’s cue to doubt my sixth sense of pop sensibility. I like to think of it as collective unconscious, an amorphous barometer of hot or not, funny or die, or jump on the bandwagon. Fans were still reeling, creating makeshift memorials, and holding vigils outside old Jackson venues. It would likely be weeks before the story abated … maybe longer.

We have lived through similar phenomenon. First came JFK, then Elvis, John Lennon, and Princess Diana. We have also experienced social upheaval punctuated by the deaths of Martin, RFK, and Sharon Tate. Since the early sixties, so many famous have passed tragically before their time. But instinctively, I knew this time was different. Michael Jackson transcended celebrity. In a strange and unique way, he changed the world.

 

For more than a week now, I have listened to the talk show hosts, checked news wires, and monitored forums. There is no slow down. It’s Jackson 24/7. Over a million and a half fans applied for tickets to today’s memorial. Live coverage from the L.A. Staples Center and they’re not even burying the body.

Those who regard his troubled life as a freak show, they don’t get it. They don’t understand how a late night punchline could actually matter. Hangers on and wannabes, they surmise, people so obsessed with celebrity they need someone like Jackson to fill a void. What about the real heroes, like our men in uniform? The people who sacrifice so that we can remain free? Where are their stories in this crush of Jackson media coverage? Has the planet gone completely insane? 

Read more Michael Jackson King of Pop phenomenon

 

 

Michael Jackson dead at 50, pop icon touches generations of music lovers

 

Michael Jackson, King of Pop, is dead

When I first heard the shocking news about the legendary entertainer, singer, dancer, and songwriter – heck, pop icon - I was traveling in my car on the way to the grocery store. The radio talk show host had just interrupted his regular broadcast to matter-of-factly announce the death of Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson, King Of Pop? Dead? How could this be?

I immediately thought news wires had jumped the gun again. After all, you can’t believe everything you hear or read. Actor Jeff Goldblum was still alive. So were Harrison Ford and Artie Lange.

It must be a mistake, I thought, leftover catharsis from the wearying chatter over Farrah Fawcett. A beautiful and talented actress, news of her passing had quickly become a number one topic trend. Sensing the end of her courageous battle with anal cancer, many bloggers had turned a blind eye to the unfolding tragedy, giving her family a respectful reprieve. Now they were reacting in overdrive. Perhaps some had gone overboard in the fray.

But the radio host was right. Michael Jackson, 50-years old and poised to reclaim the mantle of stardom with a scheduled comeback tour, had suffered cardiac arrest and could not be revived. Today, almost 24-hours later, fans remain camped outside UCLA Medical Center. In New York City, they’ve turned the Apollo Theater into a makeshift shrine. The news reverberates, leaving pockets of emptiness in its stride.

The King is dead.

 

Michael Jackson fans gather in New York City

 

See the exclusive photo.

Much will be written about Jackson in the days following his tragic end. His visionary talent and creative passion along with stories of his troubled past, including a nightmarish obsession with plastic surgery, aversion to public recognition, acquittal on child molestation charges, and financial demise -- none of it will fade easily. Nothing I could add would shed any more light on this complex, yet tortured individual. He grew up in the spotlight and burned too brightly in its glare, end of story.

Still, that doesn’t seem adequate in the face of such enormous loss.

For what it’s worth, I can conjure up personal memories. To those of you expecting a news article I’ll completely understand if you stop reading here.

 

Read more about my personal memories and Michael Jackson's legacy.

Beyonce hands off 'Single Ladies' video parody

 

Beyonce Knowles

 

By now, almost everyone in the free world has seen sexy high-heeled Sasha Fierce strutting and singing to the beat of her hit single “Single Ladies.”

The guffaw-inducing SNL parody paved the way for both sexes to make complete fools of themselves follow (in) suit. Not even the President of the United States was immune to her infectious hand motions.

Suddenly, all bets were off.

People promoting one thing or another strapped on calf-curving high heels and hit the dance floor. High-powered verve and attitude distinguished seasoned veterans from the pack.

Can you spot the amateurs?

 

"Single Ladies" video parody

This is just a sample of the videos online, some serious contest entries, some hilarious satire. To see the complete set of parodies and vote for your favorite, click here. 

Comedy Confessional Comes To Baltimore

How silly is that? Put a bunch of entertainers together, let them make fools out of themselves, and call it performance art.

I don't want to put down anyone who believes reading from their junior high school diary is great entertainment - Lord knows I would never have the nerve to go on stage in a room full of perfect strangers and do that - but seriously? Seven dollars a ticket?

Get out!

But I suppose it's better than sitting around reading about Paris Hilton. At least confessional comedy shows admirable initiative. Who knows? It may have a shot at replacing karaoke.

Let's hope it scores well with the audience.

 

 

Widgetbox Woes

 

Women Channel at Widgetbox.com

Widget Box Blog Network

See this widget? Or maybe you're just seeing the embed code. Maybe you're seeing nothing. I won't know until it's published.

The widget belongs to a network I want to join. And even though I've installed the correct code on my blog, the network says they can't find it.

So I'm doing something daring. I'm embedding it here. Maybe it will work, maybe not, but at least I tried.

Do I get props?

Celebrity Interviews Not All They're Cracked Up To Be

Interview with Constantine Maroulis at Baltimore Greek Folk Festival 2009

I'm still feeling my way around the world of celebrities. This video is living proof that the work can be trying.

Don't get me wrong. Constantine was very gracious and accomodating. Not every celebrity will let you slip backstage before a performance.

My job is to connect with people in as little time as possible. Sometimes, all I have is a minute or two to settle myself and fire away. This can be difficult, especially when I'm not prepared with cue cards questions, like what happened at this particular interview. I wasn't sure I would get time with Maroulis, so my only preparation was a glance at his Wikipedia page and a look at Tony Award articles. Despite everything, I think he was a great sport and a stand-up guy. Young girls at the Greek Festival went crazy over him.

But stories like this don't always have happy endings.

I was at a press conference with Tony Bennett in Washington, D.C. I asked a question about his first meeting with the legendary Duke Ellington as well as the symbolism of a Duke Ellington watercolor he had donated to the Smithsonian.

Bennett glossed over the second part, said nothing about their first meeting, and then looked like he was ready to move on. Should I stop him by repositing my question? Yes. But how? With only seconds to think, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Can you recall your first meeting with Mr. Ellington?"

You should have seen the expression on his face. Clearly, he was offended. Can he recall? Of course he can recall, he's Tony friggin Bennett. And even if he's well over 80 years old, he's still got his mental faculties.

As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them. But then, what can you do? He curtly answered the question and moved on, devoting lavish time and attention to a polished guy in a suit with a camera person (I record all of my interviews with a flip recorder because I have no budget and report freelance). Unlike this interview with Constantine, I had no time to recover or try to ingratiate myself.

Sometimes, you just have to lick your wounds and move on.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck plagiarism charges expose embarrassingly similar ideas

 

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Saucy co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the more conservative voice of “The View,” has been named in a lawsuit filed yesterday in Boston federal court.

By letter dated June 9, 2009, lawyers for Cape Cod author Susan Hassett claim Hasselbeck committed plagiarism and copyright infringement by stealing portions of their client’s self-published book, “Living With Celiac Disease.” The letter goes on to cite framework, chapters titles, and whole phrases of Hassett’s book, noting glaring similarities with those of Hasselbeck bestseller “The G-Free Diet: A Gluten-Free Survival Guide” (Forward by Dr. Peter Green).

Some of the compared content is practically indistinguishable.

Gossip site TMZ broke the story and included an update from Hasselbeck representatives. As expected, Hasselbeck called the allegations baseless and denied any wrongdoing.

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